10,004 days (part 2)

I am going way off topic again but that is my prerogative. As a warning, if you are of a sensitive nature read no further, this doesn’t end well.

In case you didn’t read Part 1, 10,004 days is the number of days between the date on Nick’s birth certificate and the date on his death certificate. Today is the 5th anniversary of his death.

And I don’t want the world to see me

What seemed like every other Wednesday turned into every parent’s worst nightmare. After we had eaten, I took the dogs for a walk when I got the frantic call to return immediately, something was wrong with Nick. I ran home to find Nick on the floor, he was trying to get up but had little control, he was making sounds but not words. I’ll never forget the look on his face. I kept telling him, “I got ya, everything will be ok.”

‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand

Nick had suffered an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) rupture and was pronounced brain dead a couple days later. I knew I couldn’t prevent this, some of the best trama neurosurgeons in the country including the department head told us there was nothing they could have done, but as a parent, I still felt I had failed him.

When everything’s made to be broken

After the funeral, everyone had returned to their lives yet ours was shattered, each evening I would go to Nick’s room and sit and stare at Nick’s stuff. All the things that made up his life, and had meaning to him. BTW, Nick was a slob so I felt like I was in a TLC episode of “Hoarding, Buried Alive.” This went on for 2 months.

I just want you to know who I am

Have you ever wondered how many people die each year? Welp, in 2017 Maryland 50,000 died. I assume many of you watch television shows featuring doctors and nurses performing miracles (I’m thinking “Grey’s Anatomy“). It is impressive how many patients receive organ transplants.

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming

Now for the unbelievable reality, guess how many of the 50,000 deaths resulted in organ donations…. Would you believe 1,000 or maybe more like 1,500 or how about 500. Nope, not even close. In 2017, a mere 152 people of the 50,000 deaths were able to donate a total of 498 organs. Astounding isn’t it? Why such a low number you ask, well the secret is all about dying correctly. Yes, there is a correct way and wrong way to die – if you can believe that.

Or the moment of truth in your lies

Nick died correctly and was able to donate organs and tissue helping 7 individuals. Only one recipient sent us a card thanking us for Nick’s donation while offering condolences for our loss.

When everything’s made to be broken

The Roman philosopher Seneca writes about the awareness of mortality in his essay On the Shortness of Life, “you live as if you would live forever; the thought of human frailty never enters your head, you never notice how much of your time is already spent. You squander it as though your store were full to overflowing, when in fact the very day of which you make a present to someone or something may be your last.”

Tonight hug everyone you love since you never know. Live as if tomorrow may never come, live every moment appreciating the people you love.

I just want you to know who I am

Why Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls? During the time after Nick’s death, this song played incessantly on the radio when we traveled to the funeral home, to the cemetery, etc. So often did this song play, I requested it’s playing during his funeral. If you know the origin of the song, you know it is appropriate and it still hits home.